


IV. You Need Some Hope

by logicalwritings



Series: We Didn't Start The Fire [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 21:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13016286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/logicalwritings/pseuds/logicalwritings
Summary: “Ten years feels like too big of a mercy,” Roman says.“Mhm,” Virgil mumbles.“It’s so long,” Patton whispers. “I’ll be twenty-eight.”Virgil jerks. “You’re eighteen?”“Well… yeah, kiddo. My birthday just passed a week ago.”“You’re an April baby,” Virgil says quietly. “Me too.”or.Logan's friends all have fragile little lives and he wishes he could protect them better.





	IV. You Need Some Hope

Macy says that Donna said (which Donna heard from Emily, who heard it from her boyfriend Joseph who heard it from Brett), that Patton’s step-mom got fifteen years in prison. Stacey says that she heard from Christine that Patton’s step-mom broke down in the courtroom. Will says that he heard from his dad (who apparently is a “lawyer”), that Patton was caught with a gun in the courtroom. Phoebe says she heard from Gregory that Patton’s step-mom got life in prison and is on death row.

The real story is far less interesting. Patton tells it to Logan as a constant stream of tears gush from his eyes and Roman grasps his hand so tight that Patton’s fingers go white. Virgil chews on the sleeves of his hoodie staring out distantly as if he’s not paying attention. But Logan knows he is. Virgil’s on his most alert and you can see it in his tense posture, the way he glances at Patton’s every so often, and the insistent tapping his knuckles against his thigh.

“Ten years,” Patton whispers. “It doesn’t feel right for someone to spend that long in jail over one incident.”

“Two,” Logan corrects, glancing away from Patton’s intense and watery eyes.

Patton coughs. “Two.”

“You also must consider all the other things you told me about and withheld from the police,” Logan whispers. He feels uncomfortable saying this in front of Virgil and Roman; he wishes they’d plug their ears.

“Ten years feels like too big of a mercy,” Roman says.

“Mhm,” Virgil mumbles in agreement. His sleeve is covered in slobber and he seems to notice this as he gives a disgusted look and wipes it against the concrete steps outside the school.

“It’s so long,” Patton whispers. “I’ll be twenty-eight.”

Virgil jerks. “You’re eighteen?”

“Well… yeah, kiddo. My birthday just passed a week ago.”

“You’re an April baby,” Virgil says quietly. “Me too.”

Patton smiles softly and reaches his hand out and squeezes Virgil’s- the one that wasn’t in his mouth. “When?”

“Next week.”

“Happy early birthday,” Patton says.

Virgil ducks his head, tears welling up in his own eyes. “Happy belated birthday.”

“We should throw a double birthday party!” Roman exclaims happily. He and Patton let go of hands and Roman reaches into his bag to grab a thick notebook.

“I don’t have the money to throw a party,” Virgil says and he looks properly terrified.

Roman rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stupid- you’re not supposed to pay for your own party.” He begins scratching stuff down on a page in the notebook. “It could be at my house- but- well.” Roman looks as if he’s said too much and quickly goes to smooth it over. “I don’t think it’d be much fun there. We could do it at a pizza place or-”

“My house,” Logan offers quietly.

“Wait- for real?” Roman asks.

“It would provide a suitable place for us to throw a party if you so wish. My parents are unlikely to disapprove.”

“Then it’s settled. I need to start planning,” Roman says.

Virgil still looks tense. “Who all would we invite?”

“Why, four makes a party, does it not?” Roman asks.

“S’pose so,” Virgil mumbles.  

“Then it’s settled! I shall plan you two the best party you’ve ever had.”

~\/~

When Roman said plan and plan the best party ever- he meant it. He comes over to Logan’s house and sits with him, running ideas by him for hours, as if Logan’s input is even in the slightest bit helpful. But Roman acts like it is, writing down nearly every idea Logan has and considering each bit of it carefully. He acts like he treasures Logan’s opinions and ideas, especially Logan’s opinions of Roman’s own ideas.

Then the actual day comes and Roman paces back and forth in front of Logan’s couch, breathing deeply and acting as if this party is going to be the end of the world as they know it.

“Are you anxious, Roman?” Logan asks.

Roman spins around and frowns. “Of course not.” Rosko yips and places his paws against Roman’s knees and the boy leans over to pet him.

“You are shaking,” Logan notes.

Roman pulls his hand up and admires the limb that continues to tremble. “I suppose I am perhaps a little overexcited.”

Logan searches Roman’s face and notices for once just how heavy Roman’s foundation is. If he scoots closer he can see the faint traces of acne scars and- something else. A scar close to Roman’s scalp that’s close to the right corner of his forehead. It’s almost like a dent, printed into the skin with a faint white outline.

“You wear a lot of makeup,” Logan comments.

“Do you have a problem with that?” Roman snaps, but he doesn’t look angry. Just a little hurt.

“Of course not!” Logan says, rushing to explain. “It is something you enjoy, therefore, I would never make a jab at it. However, I am curious,” Logan reaches forward and brushes the scar, praying he’s not overstepping a line here, “where this is from.”

“Oh.” Roman reaches up and swipes his index and middle finger over it as if remembering where it is. Checking to see if he can still feel it there against the pads of his fingers.

“You do not have to share if you are not comfortable.”

Roman smirks, a bit of the cocky arrogance smoothing back on his face. “You’re so awkward, Logan.”

“Oh.”

“I mean that as offensively as you meant that comment about my makeup,” Roman says. “Ergo; not at all. I find it endearing.” Roman sighs and looks down at the dog who now has a squeaky toy in his mouth. Roman pulls it out and throws it, his face one full of thought.

“My mom cracked my skull on the coffee table when I was fourteen.”

 _Two_ friends who’ve dealt with abuse; Logan doesn’t know if he can handle it. If he’s meant to handle it. He’s terrible at this, terrible, terrible-

“She was pissed that I got a C, so she grabbed me by my hair and flung me into the wooden coffee table. There was a lot of blood and they had to give me a bunch of stitches.” Roman smiles ruefully at Logan. “She killed herself a month later.”

“That is… terrible.”

“It’s in the past,” Roman says. He runs a hand through his hair, effectively swiping a small section over that corner of his forehead.

“I wish I could remove these burdens from both of you; you and Patton.”  

“That’s not your responsibility to do that, Logan,” Roman says with a casual shrug. “Our parents are supposed to help support our burdens, not give them to us. Patton and I got the short end of the stick when it comes to that.”

Logan stares at his hands. Despite Roman’s words, Logan still wishes he could change things. He wishes he could put Patton’s parents back together, effectively removing his step-mother from the equation entirely. Or he wishes he could just give Patton and Roman his parents. Which is entirely illogical, but for once, Logan wishes logic wasn’t so sound. He can’t just give his parents to his friends. Life doesn’t work that way.

It’s not fair.

Roman opens his mouth again as if preparing to say something Logan, but the doorbell rings before he can get a word in. Logan launches up and strides to the door, where he opens it and sees Virgil standing on the step gripping a small present wrapped in plain blue wrapping paper. He looks nice; his black skinny jeans appear almost painted on and he wears a loose dark purple shirt that appears baggy against Virgil’s slim frame. His eyes are framed with black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow.

“Do I look bad?” is the first thing Virgil asks worriedly. Logan realises he’s been staring at him for an inappropriate amount of time.  

“You look adequate- I mean, good.” Logan coughs and tries to smile, inviting Virgil in. Virgil steps inside, leaning over to give Rosko a gentle pat on his head.

“Is Patton here yet?” Virgil asks.

“Nope,” Roman says, taking the present off Virgil’s hands and setting it with the ones from Logan and Roman. “He’s probably adopting all the squirrels he passes on the way.”

Virgil snorts and awkwardly sits on one of the sofas, hands gripping onto the fabric spread across his knees. He’s obviously anxious; whether still about the way he looks or maybe just general anxiety, Logan does not know. It’s his duty as the host to make Virgil feel comfortable, but- yet- he does not know how to do such a thing.

“Would you two like anything to drink?” Logan asks.

“Sure,” Roman says. “Do you have Sprite-?”

“Yes-”

“And those little cherries in the jar?”

Logan blinks. “Uhm. Yes.”

“Can I have a glass of Sprite with six of those mixed in?”

Logan rolls his eyes. “Of course. Virgil?”

“Just water, please.”

“Of course. I will return in a moment.” He walks out of the room too quickly and his hands shake as he takes down two glass tumblers. He pulls out Sprite, a bottle of water, and the jar of cherries. Why is he so nervous? It’s a stupid birthday party with _four_ people. Just four. But-

Logan’s never had more than one friend over at once. This is far more overwhelming than it should be. He scoops ice into the glasses, pours Roman’s Sprite and Virgil’s water. Then he scoops out six cherries and dumps them in the glass, stirring with the spoon so they look better and more scattered about.

Then the doorbell rings and he hears someone running to the door. He grabs the glasses and walks into the living room where Virgil stands, neck arched as he looks at the door where Roman stands greeting Patton whose arms arm full of a big present wrapped in paper covered with puppies in part hats. Rosko jumps up and down, eager to lick his friend’s face.

“Hey buddy,” Patton says, instantly crouching down to the puppy’s level. “I missed you.” He nuzzles his face to Rosko’s and Logan wonders how on earth a person could be so ridiculously wonderful despite their undesirable circumstance.

“I have your drinks, Roman and Virgil,” Logan says, handing off the drinks to the two. “Would you like anything, Patton?”

“No thanks; I can get it myself. You relax, Lo.”

“It’s _your_ party,” Logan says, baffled. “You sit down and relax.”

Patton grins. “Sure thing, boss.”

Logan sighs, rolling his eyes fondly. “What do you want to drink?”

“Surprise me.”

Logan hates those words because Logan is the worst at figuring out what people like or want. He’s the worst friend ever, because all he knows about Patton is that he’s unbearably kind, loves puns, enjoys cheering up because he thinks the happiness will rub off on his soul as well and is afraid of spiders, but there was one time Patton killed one just because another girl was so terrified she was crying and-

“Logan?” Virgil asks. “You okay?”

He coughs. “I’m going to make hot chocolate.” 

Patton squeals in delight. “That sounds awesome, Logan! Can I help? Pretty please?”

“Fine. You may.”

Patton follows Logan into the kitchen, bouncing on his heels as Logan gets down a jar of cocoa powder. Patton grabs a mug and gets into Logan’s refrigerator and pulls out a gallon of milk.

“How are you?” Patton asks, pouring milk into the mug and putting it into the microwave. “You seem stressed.”

“I just want this party to go well.”

“Oh, it will. I promise.”

Logan shrugs, hoping Patton will leave it at that. “Are you doing well?”

“Mhm,” Patton says. “Do you have marshmallows?”

“Yes. They’re in the cabinet.”

Patton pulls them out. They work silently, Logan pulling the mug out of the microwave and mixing two scoops of the powder in. He hears Virgil chatting quietly to Roman as Patton dumps a pile of marshmallows on top. They come out into the living room and Roman pats the seat beside him.

Patton sits down there and Logan goes over to Virgil and sits beside him. They’re all quiet, taking sips of their respective drinks as Logan stares at his hands, wishing for a brief moment he’d grabbed himself a drink.

“So. I have several activities planned involving the two birthday boys,” Roman says with a wicked grin. “But first, Specs over here,” he jerks his thumb to Logan, “made a cake. So, follow me!” Roman stands, holding his glass up like a torch, and marches into the kitchen with a grin on his face.

Logan feels unbearably shy as he takes the cake down from the top of the fridge where Rosko can’t touch it. It horribly boring, a simple chocolate cake with a ½ inch layer of buttercream frosting and written in a thin perfectly straight print it says, “Happy Birthday Patton & Virgil.”

Patton gasps. “Oh, Logan, it looks great!”

“It’s nothing-” Logan goes to explain. He wants to say that all he did was mix a box of cake mix in with the proper ingredients and cook it for the proper amount of time. Besides, Roman helped with most of the frosting. But he can’t protest because Virgil is complimenting the cake as well while Roman sticks eighteen dollar store candles into the icing.

“I love you,” Patton says, throwing his arms around Logan; Logan feels like he’s short-circuiting. He is not worthy of Patton’s love. He cannot even begin to understand Patton’s love. But for some reason, Patton’s giving it to him.

Selfish, _selfish_ Logan dares not refuse it; he doesn’t even want to.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not entirely satisfied with this chapter, however, I hope it suffices, because I have a LOT planned for the next one. 
> 
> But. I am currently drowning right now, guys; I'm not going to sugar coat it. There's this big bubble of stress inside me that keeps getting bigger and bigger and I'm treading oh-so-carefully to keep it from bursting. I want to actually have a winter season where I don't have a breakdown. I'm not doing so well in school and I'm struggling in several other aspects of life. I feel... bad. Just pretty darn bad lately. Therefore, my updates are erratic. They're messy. And I'm sorry. I'm focusing mainly on this series, because it's a concept series and doesn't have to be as neat and perfect as my other stuff. 
> 
> Anyway, just a window into this little writer's life. I hope you all are having a lovely holiday season.


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